Early Days: Alternate Ending
by fairmaidofkent
Summary: The final chapter in Early Days, except Narcissa chooses not to forgive Lucius for his actions. Includes an alternate epilogue as well.
1. Chapter 1

Lucius emerged from the shower wearing nothing but a lazily contented smirk, though he decided to wrap a towel around his waist after a moment of deliberation. He was _happy_, and his world made sense again. It was a strange, abrupt change, but he most certainly liked it.

"Narcissa, beautiful," he called, pushing his fingers through his wet hair as he emerged into his bedroom. "I was thinking-"

He froze. Narcissa had not changed into her pyjamas, as he'd expected, but instead was cramming the last of her loose garments into her trunk.

"Narcissa..." he tried to say more, but his throat was suddenly dry. "What're you doing?" he managed at last. She looked up with regretful but determined eyes.

"Lucius." She rose to her feet, and her tone was placating albeit firm. Lucius would have none of it.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" He didn't mean to sound angry, but he suspected he already knew the answer, and the truth made his stomach twist and his heart thud uncomfortably.

"Lucius, surely you must know."

"_No._" his voice was too loud, but his hands were trembling. Narcissa hesitated, wondering if perhaps she should have waited a bit longer; the sudden return of his mother was joyful, yes, but he was still probably emotionally drained and consequently unstable. Well, she was packed now; it was rather too late for second guessing.

"I came here because I was worried about you and your father. But your mother is fine and the three of you are fine now; you don't need me anymore."

"I do!" he insisted, trying to repress the note of desperation in the words. "You can't leave. You can't go back yet," he informed her brusquely, striding past her and opening her trunk once more. "Classes don't start until Monday, and we'll leave Sunday night, so you'll want to unpack."

"Lucius..." her tone was pitying now. "I'm going back tonight. I'm staying in London, and then taking the Express tomorrow morning."

He ignored her words, picking up her nightdress from the tangle of clothing. "Here. You should change." He held out the garment, but did not meet here eye; he didn't even look away from her trunk. He refused to understand the meaning of her words; instead, he grappled with the challenging question of why he wanted her things in his room so badly when, not so very long ago, he hadn't even been able to tolerate the presence of another in his private sanctuary.

"No, Lucius," she replied softly. "Will you call a carriage for me, or shall I walk to the station?"

"_No!"_ he roared suddenly. He lashed out in a swift, violent motion, and Narcissa cried out in alarm as her possessions went flying across the floor, her trunk overturned. However, her moment of fear quickly hardened into fury.

"Lucius Malfoy! How _dare _you! You're acting like a child- pick those things up _this instant._"

"You _can't _leave me," he growled, closing the space between them in three long strides and grasping her upper arms. Narcissa stared up at him defiantly despite his attempts to intimidate her; she was not afraid of him, and knew he could never, ever harm her.

"Let go of me," she commanded in low, icy tones. For a split second his grip tightened, but then his hands slackened, sliding down her arms before he let them hang at his sides.

"I don't understand," he murmured; his anger had left as abruptly as it had come, leaving him sounding hollow. "After everything... you're just going to go back to school?"

"Lucius, this didn't change anything between us," she reminded him gently. "I still love you, for now, and I know you love me too, so I came to comfort you during a terrible tragedy. But your mother is alive and well and I need to move on. So yes; I'm just going to go back to school. And you're going to be finished soon, and then you're going to go off to work at the Ministry and I'm going to be in school for another two years. And we aren't going to see each other again after this June."

He shook his head stubbornly, refusing to accept her words. "Stay for one more night. It's been a long day, and we can discuss it in the morning."

Narcissa hesitated. What was one small lie, compared to what he'd done to her? "Yes, alright, I'll stay."

Satisfied, Lucius turned and climbed into bed, watching her expectantly. With a small, inward sigh, she sat down on the opposite edge. He held out a hand, and she grudgingly accepted it. She flicked her wand to darken the room, and waited patiently.

Lucius _was _exhausted, but he was loath to fall asleep first. Every time he began to drift off, he'd jerk himself awake, comforted by her small, warm hand in his, but wishing her light breaths would sink into those of sleep.

His eyes flew open suddenly, and he realized he'd fallen asleep. But for how long? He desperately reached out, devastated but not entirely surprised to find only empty space.

"Dobby!" he barked, rolling out of bed and stumbling in the dark.

"Master?" The creature appeared before him, nervous.

"Where is she? Is she in the Manor?"

"My... My Mistress?" he squeaked. "She is sleeping in her room-"

"_No,_ you idiot cretin, Narcissa! Miss Black! Where is she?"

Dobby swallowed. "She.. she is leaving almost an hour ago. She is not saying where."

"Fuck!" Lucius bellowed, sending the elf flying with a sharp kick to the gut. "Damn it, the train- maybe it's not too late..." Without bothering to dress, or even find shoes, he took off.

* * *

Miles away, Narcissa was arriving at King's Cross. Her eyes were blurred with sleep and tears, and she staggered slightly as she maneuvered through the narrow aisle of the train. A familiar figure stood patiently on the Platform, eyes wide and sympathetic.

"Thanks for coming," Narcissa whispered, wrapping her arms around her sister's shoulders.

"Cissy, sweetie, I'm so sorry I even have to be here. Are you alright?" Andromeda stroked back the blonde tendrils that stuck to Narcissa's face.

"I'm fine. Fine. Mrs. Malfoy- like I said in my note- she's back and she's fine, so... Time for me to come back to school, I reckon."

"The Hogwarts Express leaves at eleven tomorrow. We'll go back, and everything will be better. Maybe not now; maybe not even soon... but eventually."

"Oh 'Dromeda, I hope you're right."

The two girls walked off hand in hand, and Narcissa felt an overwhelming gratitude towards her older sister. She wasn't as close to Andromeda as she was Bella, and she'd been furious when she'd advised her to stay away from Lucius. But she'd been right, and she was willing to forgive Narcissa for her coldness. besides, she could handle Bellatrix's shrieking and cursing and fuming right now; she needed Andromeda's calm peace and acceptance that make her so very different from most Slytherins.

* * *

"What do you _mean _there won't be another train until noon tomorrow? I need to get to London _now!_"

"I'm sorry, sir." The ticket attendant gave him a curious look. Lucius stood on the platform in only his boxer shorts, positively fuming. "Perhaps that will give you time to find your way home and pack some clothes?"

"Fuck you," Lucius spat, spinning on his heel to storm back up to the Manor. He would miss the Express tomorrow, putting him a full day behind her. It was unacceptable. Perhaps he could Floo to the Leaky Cauldron? But the chances of getting a room at this late hour... and besides, he didn't even know where in London she was. And his parents-

His parents. He would have to tell them everything, explain to them what he'd done... His mother would be crushed. He didn't want to say to upset his mother after her return. Perhaps if he waited just a day...

But Narcissa! He had to see her now, let her know that he wanted to make things right again.

* * *

Despite herself, Narcissa was rather surprised that Lucius did not turn up during the night, nor was he aboard the train when it departed at promptly eleven. If Andromeda knew why her little sister's eyes flicked about both expectantly and guiltily, she did not say anything.

"It's better this way, isn't it?" Narcissa demanded at last, unable to stand the silence of the passing countryside any longer. Andromeda considered the question before replying.

"_I_ think it's better, Cissy. I think he's an awful person, and I think what he did to you proves it. But sometimes... sometimes the right thing isn't enough. Sometimes, the 'right thing' isn't enough- not when it's not the right thing for you. If you love him, and he loves you, that's not enough; but if you _can't not _love him, and he _can't not _love you... well, maybe that's enough of a reason."

"I won't let myself be unable to fall out of love with him," Narcissa declared decisively. Andromeda looked sympathetic.

"It's not always so easy as that."

The girls lapsed into silence once more, each lost in her own thoughts, as the Express hurtled back towards the school.

"Cissy... Cissy, wake up, we're at Hogsmeade."

"Oh..." Narcissa blinked sleepily, lifting her head. "Are we already?" She had not realized she'd drifted off.

"Mmhm. And the elves can get the trunks."

The two made their way down the aisle, stepping into the warm night air. The platform was bathed in a misty, orange light, and they were eerily alone.

"Come on, Cissy, I'm sure someone'll meet us up at the gates."

"Yes, I'm sure you're right-"

"Narcissa. Wait."

Both girls spun around at the rough, stricken voice. Lucius rose from a bench, tucked into a darken alcove. His hands were jammed into pockets as he approached, looking properly ashamed.

"You- how did you get here?"

"Carriage," he replied briefly. "You have to talk to me."

"I must do no such thing!"

"Andromeda," he turned politely to the other girl on the platform. "Would you please leave us? I assure you I will return your sister safely to the castle directly."

"I'll stay if she wants me," she replied coolly. "I won't abandon her to you."

"Andy... maybe you should go. Clearly, he simply can't get it through his head, and I have to explain,_ again_, why I can't be with him."

"If you're sure, Cissy." She glanced suspiciously at Lucius. "I'll be waiting up for you in the Common room."

"Thanks," she muttered as Andromeda slipped off. He turned back to Lucius, eyes blazing. "What more could you possibly have to say to me?"

"Whatever it takes!" he cried. "That I love you! That I need to be with you! That I fucked up! What is it that you _want_?"

"I want you to have been faithful to me! To have_ actually_ loved me! To have asked me out for all the reasons you said you did- not just to sleep with me!" Her words echoed hopelessly across the platform.

"Narcissa." His voice was low and serious. "I cannot change my mistakes, and you won't tell me how to prove that I _do _love you."

"I don't know how," she replied. "I don't know how to trust you again."

Her tone was soft as she stared at the ground, and Lucius felt it was safe to sidle closer.

"It won't happen again," he swore quietly. "Ever."

"I wish I could believe that. This is it, Lucius."

"_No._" His teeth were gritted, and fists clenched. "You _have _to give me another chance."

"I don't have you do any such thing! I can't even think when you're around me all the time. You'll leave school soon, and then I can figure out my life again."

"And what if you figure everything out and decide that you still love me? What then?"

"I need _time,_ Lucius!" she cried. "You have to just give me time!"

"How long? A week? A month? Until the end of summer?"

"Five years."

Lucius looked at her as though she'd struck him. "I'm sorry, Narcissa, but I just can't do that."

"Then I'll just come to hate you! Resent you for following me around! If you won't let me live my life a little, then I'll never heal, and you'll be like a... a parasite! Or a recurring infection! I need _space _after what you've done!"

"A year, then," he offered desperately. "A year, and then-"

"No. I'll have to be out of school, at least. Three years, then. Once you leave Hogwarts, you wait three years without seeking out or approaching me. Don't even ask about me. And then, at the end of that time, if you still want to give things a try... well then. We'll do just that. We'll _try._ No promises, though."

"Three years? But Narcissa, I-"

"No! Don't say anything, or the amount goes up to... to... forever!" she nodded emphatically, turned on her heel, and marched back up to the castle, fully prepared to never see Lucius Malfoy again.


	2. Chapter 2

"One butterpumpkin coffee, please."

"The lady's drink is on me," a low, silken voice purred above her left ear. Narcissa froze and watched, as though in a trace, a large hand, roughened by Quidditch but still unbearably sensual, slide several sickles across the counter. The movement caused a firmly muscled chest to brush against her shoulder. Her breath caught. That scent- that cool, clean, spicy male scent- made her head spin.

Three years. Three years to the day. Very nearly to the hour.

"That's very kind of you," she said cordially, fingering the clasp of her clutch, unable to lift her head.

"Here you are, ma'am," the barista chirped.

"Thank you," Narcissa murmured, accepting the beverage, still rooted to the spot, now holding up the line.

"Perhaps we should go take a seat. There's a free table by the window." He took her elbow firmly but gently, guiding her towards the aforementioned spot. She allowed him to lead her, eyes glued to the floor. He pulled her chair out and waited for her to settle before taking the seat across from her.

Narcissa stared into the creamy drink, swirling it and deeply inhaling the rich aroma. Her heart was pounding in her ears and she struggled in vain to find something witty or meaningful to say. She came up blank, and so continued to stare.

"Narcissa..." his tone was strained and low. "Please, look at me."

It was the pain in his voice that did it. Her eyes lifted immediately, bright with concern, and she sighed his name softly.

"Lucius."

He looked older. His hair was longer, damp from the rain, and his robes were more adult and tailored, but his eyes... She searched them for several long moments looking for that boyish, mischievous sparkle, that naughty little glimmer that make her want roll her eyes and kiss him, that flash of excitement and suppressed glee, always suffused with insatiable want...

It was gone.

Where was it? she worried. What had she missed in the past three years that had taken that away? What had she been thinking back then, letting him go to be hurt?

"How... er, how have you been?"

"I've been working at the ministry, Narcissa. Long hours."

She waited, but no more was forthcoming. "And... how are your parents?"

"They're fine, Narcissa. I actually haven't seen them terribly often. I'm living in London, in a flat nearby."

Though his words were clipped and distant, his eyes raked her face, and he stared at her like a starving man being offered a meal for the first time in...

Well. The first time in three years.

"That's lovely. I've actually been working too, mostly to get out of the house, in a darling little boutique in Diagon Alley. I've been seeing a lot of Bella and Roddy, too- d'you think they'll ever get married?" she gave a little nervous laugh, aware that she was rambling but unable to stop. "I mean, everyone's been expecting it since they graduated, but he still hasn't asked her..."

Lucius nodded, knowing exactly why they had not yet had a wedding, but holding his tongue.

"He'll ask soon, Narcissa," Lucius told her briefly.

"Really? Well, that's just wonderful. I do love wed-"

"Are you seeing anyone, Narcissa?" Despite his best efforts, the question still sounded far too intense, much too desperate. Narcissa frowned, staring down into her coffee. Her silence seemed to stretch on for an eternity, and Lucius felt every second of it as his heart pounded in his throat and his mouth went dry. _Please, say no. Please, please-_

"Of course I'm not, Lucius." For a split second a grin broke across his face, but immediately vanished when he recognized her tone as angry, and her words as hurt. "You made sure of that, didn't you? Of course I couldn't be seeing anyone else- not when I have a deep sense of conviction that every man who looks my way doesn't truly care about me. Sweet men, kind men who I've dated, men I push away the moment they lean in for a kiss because- Merlin, that's all they want, isn't it? No matter how many times I tell myself that they aren't _you_, that there are good people out there..." she broke off, burying her face in her hands. "I hate you, Lucius, for stealing any trust I could ever have in men. I hate you for how _lonely _I've been because of it. I hate you for making me love you- I was just a little girl, Lucius. How could you _do _that to me?"

She wasn't _really _angry, not anymore, but the sense of feeling betrayed and deceived had never left. Nor had the deep, abiding love lessened for even a moment. And for that, she hated herself.

"Narcissa," his voice was an agonized rasp. Lifting her head, she saw that his eyes were clenched shut and his jaw was tight, his face towards that table in what may have been shame. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I know saying it doesn't make a difference, not even now, when I've had three years worth of nights to lie awake and wish I could go back and change how it started, three years of dreaming of you, of having to go through my life as if you weren't a part of it- as if you'd never been a part of it. Three years of visiting Rodolphus and Bellatrix at every possible chance, hoping one of them would slip and mention your name, so I could feign disinterest while trying to find out how you were, what you were doing with your life. I've deserved every bit of pain I've felt over the past three years, because I know it doesn't even begin to touch the pain I've put you through. And I regret hurting you. If staying out of your life forever would hurt you less- I would do it. But Narcissa, you're not happy either."

"I won't come running back to you. I won't fall into your arms and let you- you- Lucius, how am I ever suppose to trust that you love me? It felt real the first time-"

"It _was _real the first time," he cut in swiftly. "Of course it was real. I was stupid then- when I first asked you out, it never occurred to me that I would love you; it never even occurred to me that I _could _fall in love! But that doesn't mean I didn't; that I couldn't. Narcissa-" he drew a deep breath. "I want you to marry me. I wanted it since that night when I finally realized it, when I woke you up to tell you I loved you. I was stupid," he repeated, "I thought that by loving you, everything would work out. I thought... I thought it was enough to make up for my mistakes."

For a long moment, neither spoke. Lucius reached into his pocket, and set something on the table.

"Think about it, Narcissa. That's all I ask." He rose slowly, giving her plenty of time to ask him to stay. She did no such thing- she didn't even look up. Instead she stared, almost vacantly, at the small black box he'd put down. He turned to go, and it took all his will power not to look back. He prayed with each step that she would call him back, and at the door of the small shop, he paused. He couldn't leave like this. He glanced over his shoulder, but she was still staring at the box. Defeated, he slipped out the door.

Fingers shaking, Narcissa reached out, scarcely daring to believe...

But there it was. The diamond shone obscenely in the dim lighting, far too beautiful and elegant to be in a cheap cafe. This ring deserved ball gowns and galas, and the ornate scrolling suggested 'M's on either side of the gem; clearly a family heirloom. She couldn't possibly keep it. Best thing to do would be send it back by owl; avoid another confrontation. She had told him what she needed to, and she didn't need see him ever again.

The mere thought made her stomach drop. Seemingly on its own accord, her right hand lifted the ring, and slid it on to the fourth finger of her left. It was a perfect fit.

What was she _doing_? By now, she didn't care. All she could recall were Andromeda's words that day on the train: If you _can't not _love him... Though her sister, it had become apparent last year, had had ulterior motives for that little speech. Still, she simply didn't care. Abandoning her unsipped beverage, she sprang to her feet and rushed out of the shop, terrified that it was too late. She stumbled onto the busy street, panicking for a moment as her eyes darted over wet cloaked figure as people scuttled about to reach dry shops. However, she didn't have to look far: on a bench, several yards away, Lucius sat with his elbows resting on his knees, face buried in his hands, seemingly unconscious of the fact that he was becoming drenched. She ran over, skidding haphazardly on the slick cobblestones.

"Lucius." She stood before him, and he raised his head at the sound of her voice. His eyes flickered from her face to her left hand, where the ring shone impossibly in the drear.

"Does this mean yes?" he whispered, hardly daring to believe, but _wanting _it so badly. Tears welled in her eyes, against her will, as she nodded silently.

And then, he was kissing her. One arm wrapped around her shoulders and the other around her waist, crushing her to him as he moved their mouths together in a manner that made her head spin- had always made her head spin. It was so right, so familiar, and it suddenly didn't matter that they had three years to make up for. His tongue slid between her lips and a low sound reverberated in his throat as he dragged her even closer.

"I've missed you so much," he whispered, breaking the contact of their lips only to steal quick gasps of air. "I've thought about you every single day. And night. All the time."

She gave a sad, rueful smile. "That's sweet of you to say. But look at you; you've changed." She stroked his cheek softly. "I can't have been the _only _thing on your mind."

"Narcissa," he whispered roughly, fingers gripping her face too tightly, too desperately. "You don't believe me?"

"Well, Lucius. I've though of you often too, certainly daily, but we're two different people, now. We've grown up. We've-"

"I haven't touched a woman in _three years,_ Narcissa," he blurted abruptly. "And I-"

"_What_?" Narcissa gasped. "_You_ haven't had sex in three years?"

"Not just sex- I haven't even been able to look at another woman. I haven't taken a warm shower since the day you told me you wouldn't forgive me. I haven't had a good night's sleep or been able to appreciate a nice day or-"

Narcissa cut him off by pressing her lips to his once more, for a brief, vigorous moment, before seizing his hand and leading him through the streets. The rain had stopped, but there were still puddles collected in the cobblestones. Narcissa plowed through them recklessly.

"Where are we going?"

"To make up for three very, _very _long years."


End file.
